


I Don't Know How To Tell You This.

by DrProcrastinator



Series: Semi-song fics [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23754103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrProcrastinator/pseuds/DrProcrastinator
Summary: A song-fic based on Faith Ling's 'I Don't Know How To Tell You This' with Lena's inner musings as realises she's in love.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Semi-song fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1145744
Comments: 1
Kudos: 67





	I Don't Know How To Tell You This.

_[If I had all the words, I would blurt them all at once_

_But they're stuck in all these_

_Fragments jammed at the bottom of my lungs_

_And my mind threatens to erupt]_

It just happened.

Don't ask her how, don't ask her why.

Lena didn't have the answers, she'll admit. Her entire life, nay, her entire existence practically relied on her knowing things - but this? She had no clue about it. You can blame her upbringing, she'd rather blame herself for her lack of experience dealing with her emotions. Things never worked out with her past relationships - even with Jack, as close as they were. She was fine with that. She had convinced herself and the world that she was a lone wolf.

But in walked Kara Danvers and Lena knew deep down in her gut that this woman was about to turn her life on its head. Kara, originally rendered speechless in their first encounter, now became the source of Lena's lack of eloquence.

She could not, for the life of her, think of the right words to describe her own thoughts as funny as that sounded. It was like being able to visualise the grandest images, to draw up the greatest stories in your mind, but the moment she even thought about discussing it, the words seemed to fragment into their constituent letters and just bounce around in the forefront of her mind, like the DVD logo bouncing around on the screen. Most of the time, it made her head spin, and it made her frustrated at how difficult it was to say what she wanted to say.

_[But i've got a face to keep_

_And my veins are going to implode_

_Oh it's costing me my sleep]_

There were moments, little bursts of moments when she was suddenly hit with the clarity, and the right words - like the moment you're walking up to the podium to give a big speech - but the second you have the microphone in front of your lips, that clarity fades. The light of inspiration dims and you forget half the script you had memorised.

Lena wasn't a stranger to that - she was glad she had enough experience with public speaking to be able to speak coherently when her thoughts stopped functioning.

Still, when she was around Kara, those moments came in rapid succession, but she kept her lips sealed. They were barely close enough to be considered close friends, and this was one hundred percent too much information to disclose to just a friend. She had to keep up her image, especially with Kara being a reporter. 

Lena found herself laying awake most nights, staring at the darkened ceiling as those thoughts raced around her head. It made her heart race, and her head swim. Ever since she met Kara, sleepless nights thinking about solutions to any hiccup in her projects, or what to say in her next business meeting were replaced with thoughts of...

Well, thoughts of Kara.

_[Oh the way you grin makes my heart stop dead_

_And your kind. warm words drain all judgement from my head]_

Call it cliche but it was that smile of Kara's. A bright, sunny smile, that you couldn't help but reflect. Lena found herself just smiling at the memory of Kara's smile, or the grin she had before she would break out into laughter.

Truth be told, even while growing up, genuine smiles were scarce and few inbetween. There were grateful smiles, sickly sweet smiles when someone pitied you, empty grins when they needed something from you. Kara's smiles easily became one of Lena's highlights of the day when they were together. 

And her heart. Oh, her heart. 

Lena heard the phrase 'she has a heart so big it could fit the universe in it' or a variation of it before, but she never thought it was possible with greed and selfishness being a huge part of human nature.

But Kara...

Kara absolutely had an enormous heart, full of compassion, kindness and love. She elevated everyone around her to be their best selves.

"I was probably better off in that adoption home," Lena had joked once during one of her sadder days.

Kara was silent, and Lena looked over, expecting to see Kara chuckling half-heartedly. Instead, her brow was knitted together, lips curled into a deep frown.

"You...are one of the kindest people I've ever met, Lena. You are nothing like your mother or Lex. You're so much better, because unlike them, you're good."

Lena normally had bit back at anyone who tried to tell her who she was or wasn't, but Kara had said those words with such convinction and...warmth, that Lena couldn't help but start to believe it was true.

_[Oh my sanity's placed secondary_

_Cause somehow your spot is now primary_

_I don't know how to tell you this_

_Conscience, don't tell me what to do_

_But i think my heart's made a little space for you]_

That's for sure. 

Lena was going crazy. She had just handed Lillian the key to Lex's vault, her own life on the line there, but all she could think about was Kara. 

Watching Kara crumple, struggling, suffocating with the Kryptonite, her heart was beating so fast she was almost sure she was about to have a heart attack.

"Don't hurt her!" she had screamed, against her better judgment.

Kara raised her head to look at Lena, face twisted in pain. Lena felt her stomach turn with worry, and she gave in.

Later, once Lillian had escaped with whatever she was after, Lena found herself sitting next to Kara as agents swept the place head to toe. As she stared blankly out at the blobs of black moving about her vision, she realised she was crying.

"Lena, are you okay?"

A sob escaped her throat, and Kara immediately hugged her tightly. Lena clutched her tightly.

"I was so worried."

"I'm so sorry."

At that instant, Lena knew exactly what she was feeling.

_[So if you're ever wondering why all my jokes make little sense_

_And the way that i talk seems as though i lack confidence_

_Truth is that i'm terrified of how you might react_

_Cause maybe you'd rather us be friends_

_We might be better off like that]_

Kara gasped, startling Lena when she suddenly lurched forward. Lena caught her wrist, pulling her back. Kara jumped from foot to foot, trying to catch her balance.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked.

Kara's eyes were focused on the pavement. 

Lena followed her gaze.

"I'm fine," Kara answered, frowning. "But my ice-cream isn't."

"Well, you can always get another."

Kara's shoulders slumped. "But it won't be the same."

"I could build a time machine and reverse time," Lena joked.

Kara furrowed her brow. "I don't even want to think about the possibly repercussions of me getting that ice cream back. I'll be right back."

Kara darted back into the ice-cream parlour before Lena could say anything. She stood there in the sidewalk, staring down at the melting cone as she ate her gelato. She was aware of her shifting personalities, or as Kara had called it 'switching out of business mode'. That was one way to put it. 

Since she took over L-Corp, she had always commanded an air of respect in the way she walked and spoke. She still did, but all that seemed to vanish when Kara was around, and Lena was just left grasping at the threads to try and maintain that same commandeering persona.

It had now been some time, she really couldn't keep track, since her 'a-ha!' moment at the vault. She wasn't really sure how she could even say what she wanted to say, because it sure as hell was hard enough trying to keep things normal between herself and Kara. After all, this was...was one of her few cherished relationships she had left. She couldn't risk losing it all wanting more than what she had.

They were probably better off where they were, since Lena doubted their compatibility with one another. Sure, they had moments where they were in sync, but they were largely different from one another, and Lena didn't need another friendship going up in flames just because she wanted something else.

_[Cause the way you grin makes my heart stop dead_

_And your kind. warm words drain all judgement from my head]_

Kara exited the parlour a few minutes later, a new cone in hand, and a bunch of tissues in another. She plucked up the dropped cone, mopping up the spillage the best she could and tossing the trash in a nearby bin. She returned to Lena's side, beaming brightly.

Lena felt her heart skip a beat, her chest feeling warmer and fuller.

Then Kara chomped down on the ice cream and she snorted, stifling a laugh.

Kara squinted at her, no doubt fighting through the flash of brain freeze. "What are you laughing at?"

"You're a goof."

"Ah-hyuck," Kara mimicked, sticking her tongue out.

Lena couldn't force a sliver of judgement if she wanted to. She was just happy.

_[Oh my sanity's placed secondary_

_Cause somehow your spot is now primary_

_I don't know how to tell you this_

_Conscience, don't tell me what to do_

_But i think my heart's made a little space for you]_

Maybe she was going crazy but if this was what it was to be crazy, then, Lena thought it wasn't so bad. 

Kara had become a priority in her life now, a friend, and confidant she treasured deeply. Kara, who always encouraged the best of people. Kara, who never gave up on her friends. 

Lena found herself wondering about what she could've possibly done to warrant ever meeting someone like Kara.

"What's on your mind?"

Lena looked over at Kara, who had her face stuffed with noodles as she pushed her glasses up. Lena turned her gaze back down into her box of takeout, chuckling quietly.

"I don't know how to tell you this."

That captured her full attention, and Lena knew this was it. It was now or never.

_[I'm breathing slow_

_I don't do this all the time_

_And if it's not returned_

_I know it'll all be fine]_

"Tell me what?" 

Lena set the box down, and Kara mirrored her action, giving Lena her undivided attention.

Lena was collecting her thoughts, breathing slowly. She looked Kara in the eye and took a deep breath.

"I know I'm not...the most open person," she said. "Or the easiest person to put up with."

Kara offered her a small smile, but didn't interrupt.

"The fact is I...really haven't done this in a long time - having...close friends, I mean. Even when that happens, I rarely branch out," Lena continued. "All the time we've spent together made me realise something, and it's find if you don't reciprocate, because I know you're not just going to up and abandon me."

_[But i don't know how to tell you this_

_I'll just come off as a fool_

_This'll either be a hit or miss_

_Be ready in 1, 2, 3]_

Kara's brows shot up at the notion and Lena chuckled nervously, losing her train of thought.

"I...am at a loss for words, Kara," Lena confessed. "Whenever I'm around you, I...I experience that a lot. I probably sound confusing."

"A little."

Lena shot her a tiny glare as she plucked up the courage to come clean. Kara was clearly anxious, from the way her leg was bouncing, eyes trained intently on Lena.

Lena swallowed.

Here goes.

"I've fallen in love with you, Kara Danvers."

Lena held her breath, waiting for Kara to shoot up and laugh it off dismissively. But Kara was silent. Lena could almost hear the gears turning in her head.

Then, Kara looked up at Lena, and she smiled warmly.

_[Oh the way you grin makes my heart stop dead_

_And your kind. warm words drain all judgement from my head_

_Oh my sanity's placed secondary_

_Cause somehow your spot is now primary_

_I don't know how to tell you this_

_Conscience, don't tell me what to do_

_But i think my heart's made a little space for you]_

Lena felt her heart melt a little at the smile, and she found herself returning the smile. She sniffled, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. 

"Oh, no, please don't cry," Kara mumbled, her own voice thick with tears as she hugged Lena tightly.

"I can't help it," Lena managed to croak out. "I love you so much. More...more than I ever thought was possible. My stomach does somersaults whenever I'm with you."

Kara pulled back, her eyes a little teary. "You might want to see a doctor. That sounds serious."

Lena chortled, lightly nudging her. "Stop teasing me. It's hard for me to deal with this."

"I know."

"You just barrelled into my life and my heart decided..." 

Lena couldn't finish her sentence. Kara wiped at her eyes, chuckling. She reached up to cup Lena's face.

"I love you too."

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes."

_[The way you grin makes my heart stop dead_

_And your kind. warm words drain all judgement from my head_

_Oh my sanity's placed secondary_

_Cause somehow your spot is now primary_

_I don't know how to tell you this_

_Conscience, don't tell me what to do_

_But i think my heart's made a little space for you]_

Lena would be lying if she ever said that she was incapable of love. At least, all she needed was a little prompting from the right person. She decided love wasn't a fixed formula you needed to get right, but it took a lot of work - of pushing and pulling, and compromising. Giving as much as you take, communication.

She supposed that's why a lot of her relationships had fallen through.

But with Kara, it was...easy. They still argued at times, but ultimately they still cared deeply about one another. 

And everytime Kara smiles, she's reminded of why they were where they are.

Together, happily in love.


End file.
